One Power I Wish I Didn’t Have – A Choice I Don’t Want To Make

Our sweet 13-year old Brittany pup, Blaze, is dying. He has terminal bladder cancer and we were told he had just a month or two left. An ultrasound found the mass was involved with 85% of his bladder and there wasn’t any treatment they could offer.

A young Blaze and our cat Pooh who fell ill and was euthenized last year - Probably 1999

A young Blaze and our cat Pooh who fell ill and was euthenized last year - Photo was probably taken in 1999

We’ve been living with his diagnosis for a few weeks. Thankfully he doesn’t appear to be in any pain and up until yesterday he had a hearty appetite.  He has good days where it’s hard to remember he’s ill and lots of bad days where he lays on the couch and looks tired and sad.

He’s no longer going on the long walks in the park with my husband – something they’ve done together since he was a puppy. He no longer hunts, his favorite thing in the world. Heck, ducks flew over a few days ago and he didn’t even turn to look at them.

In addition to his cancer his eyes are clouding and the vet said he’s likely going blind and he’s going deaf as well and yet on his good days he appears to be loving life.  How can he be leaving us so soon? It seems like just yesterday we got him as a sweet 8-month old puppy, the puppy that took years for me to convince the husband was a great idea.  He’s grown up with our boys and is a symbol of their childhood.

Blaze June 2010 - yes, he was a little chubster that year :)

Blaze June 2010 - yes, he was a little chubster that year :)

We’re fortunate that I’m able to be home with him because he requires someone getting him outside about every 30 minutes or so and we just wouldn’t think about leaving him outside here in Seattle – it’s too cold or too hot – sometimes in the same day. Even with me constantly trying to get him outside in time he urinates in the house about 10 times a day. Thankfully we have laminate flooring, but the hassle, cost, and annoyance of cleaning up is getting to be a chore.

Still, how can I even consider euthanizing my sweet puppy because I’m so over all the blood and urine.  I hate that it’s even something we have to think about and at the same time I’m grateful we have the option in the case he was in pain.  We had to make the terrible choice last year with our cat, Pooh, and the year before with a sweet foster dog Missy that we adopted. Sadly she got out as I was leaving and ran beneath my van and was crushed.

Blaze checking out the birds - his favorite activity

Blaze checking out the birds - his favorite activity

For now I’m just working on patience and putting off the decision as long as possible.  I’m stocking up on paper towels, potty pads, and floor cleaner, and I’m trying to prepare myself for losing my best friend.  He’s my sleeping partner when my husband is on duty and my security.  I’ll miss this sweet pup so very, very much.

So while I would ask for a miracle to save him, I’m a realist and that’s not going to happen, but if you could just wish my husband peace during this time and this transition – Blaze is his baby and it’s going to be a rough couple of weeks.


11 Comments
  1. Jenny Lin